The Most Beautiful Nightmare You'll Never Have…
Lifestyle Domme & Mistress

I exist for your pleasure

slave-diaries1 April 2015


How things have changed.

The intense torment, the physical feelings, vibes and tingles were effectively the same last night as they were in my early days of chastity. They were certainly more intense last night than ever before and that seems to be a recurring factor. The deeper into this dynamic I am taken the stronger my submission, servility and suffering.

Before my first release, my torment appeared to be just the width of a plastic cage from being resolved. Without my cage I could obtain the sexual release that was being denied. The mere recognition of the solution still, however, did not make it obtainable. My cock was in its plastic confine. I could not even touch it, let alone effect sexual release. I was being aroused and yet denied. The torment and anguish was unbearable.

Last night was so very different and a culmination of how my submission has evolved. I re-read your article being fully aware of the effect it would have on me. With your permission I tweaked my newly sensitised nipples knowing the immediate effect it would have on my imprisoned cock. I was humiliated, I was jealous and envious of your real man, I was ridiculed, I was denied, I was cuckold and I was tormented. Unlike before, however, the solution was far more unobtainable than the mere removal of the device. It was far more unbearable.

You ask how I would feel if you returned the keys. You ask whether I really want my freedom. I’m sure you already know the answer to those questions. We now know that even when I am free I have difficulty in gaining release. How can this possibly be.

I haven’t found an answer. I have merely found a way of describing it. The complexity of how I feel could never be fully explained in words but this is a description of part of my emotions.

We know that I exist for your pleasure. These are glib words and sentiments narrated by many submissives. It is one thing to say it, but what happens if it really becomes sincere. What happens if a slave truly puts the pleasure of his owner above his own. It can only truly transpire if the owner takes possession of some part of the slave. Seeking pleasure is such a natural human state that by genuinely deferring your own pleasure in favour of another you effectively relinquishes part of that state.

With my pride, vanity and dignity floating away on that dinghy, you are taking possession of key parts of the shell that remain. You could so easily take full possession of me, but you do not, for now anyway.  For now your amusement is enhanced by knowing that part of the previously free me remains. It can do nothing but observe and suffer as the body and mind it once possessed serve and obey your desires. The small remnants that are the helpless, previously free me, effectively exists merely to enhance your amusement. It is that part that suffers, feels the torment and desperation and your evil pleasure is gratified through sensing and witnessing that suffering.

The eyes, through which the previously free part of me is compelled to witness my abdication, provide the only physical reaction remaining to that vanquished residue. Tears flow. Tears of desperation and resignation. A child cries and it receives concern and comfort. A slave cries and the tears arouse and please the subjugator. In what other dynamic would the only benefit of tears of desperation be to titivate and amuse the author and originator of the suffering generating those tears.

slave penny

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