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The Most Beautiful Nightmare You'll Never Have…
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A day in domestic slavery

A day in domestic slavery

I was to clean an oven and a microwave. These are tasks I have performed many times before in a vanilla role. Cleaning an oven is a particularly dirty and to some extend hazardous job. The cleanser has to be quite powerful, acidic with quite strong fumes. Her wisdom shone through yet again. This was a hard, messy, time consuming job befitting a slave.

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Topping from the bottom

Topping from the bottom

I never knowingly “top from the bottom”. That does not mean to say I will not do it unintentionally. Intent or not, it is still wrong and inappropriate.

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She relishes my hurt

She relishes my hurt

The destruction of pride, vanity, ego and dignity involves education as well as intent. Initially there was resistance to this process. I am certain my humility is a long way from her requirements and there is still a long way to go. Despite my willingness to embrace this desire of my Goddess, it is difficult.

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A sumptuous session in London with slave penny

A sumptuous session in London with slave penny

A refreshing mojito in the bar, along with a shared surf and turf platter (by shared, I mean I let slave eat the messy chicken wings I didn’t want) and I was ready to go back to the room for some fun before it was time for dinner. A pre-session warm-up, if you will.

Instructing him to strip down to thong and chastity device beneath, I got my weapons of choice ready. I’d brought plenty of equipment and particularly looked forward to using the sensory deprivation hood (albeit without phallus gag which a friend accidentally kept after borrowing the piece) as well as my long flogger and a strait jacket.

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“Red?”

“Red?”

“Red?” she asked. “Red?”

It was more than a question. It was a great deal more.

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I exist for your pleasure

I exist for your pleasure

We know that I exist for your pleasure. These are glib words and sentiments narrated by many submissives. It is one thing to say it, but what happens if it really becomes sincere. What happens if a slave truly puts the pleasure of his owner above his own.

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Letters from Mistress: Fantasies, limits, sadism & smoke

Letters from Mistress: Fantasies, limits, sadism & smoke

I don’t believe that BDSM ‘sadists’ are sadists in the vanilla sense of the word – or at least they shouldn’t be. If you want to inflict pain or harm on others with or without consent you shouldn’t be in the scene. If someone doesn’t get some kind of fulfilment out of the pain then why would they consent? They are always linked. What you get might not be strictly pleasure, it may not always be enjoyment – but it is always fulfilment. When I push your limits, when I verbally humiliate you, when I bully you, when I make you feel miniscule, when I frighten you, when I exhilarate you simply with my Dominant presence, I am fulfilling what you need. It’s actually a very kind thing. Even when you’re crying and feeling broken and hating me and wondering why the fuck you think you’re submissive and a slave and how you’re allowing someone half your age to treat you like this and how I can make you feel like this when no one else can or has ever been able to.

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An introduction to my new slave, penny

An introduction to my new slave, penny

I met with her twice during the first month in which I was in chastity. Those meetings confirmed to me that she was not just a special Mistress but a wonderful woman. A woman who warrants the utmost respect. Intelligent, talented and caring to those deserving that care and love. That however, certainly did not include her slaves.

She also had the capacity and desire to treat her slaves with cruelty and took pleasure from being evil. She has taught me the true meaning of slavery. I am not allowed to merely accept my weaknesses, inadequacies and those things I am denied. I must learn to absorb myself in those sacrifices and failings so that I suffer and hurt. The internal sense of self worth that previous Mistresses have effectively encouraged me to retain have been stripped away by her. My ego, pride and dignity have painfully been stripped away and I embrace the true inadequacies that make me a slave.

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Read an interview with Mistress Cara Sutra

Read an interview with Mistress Cara Sutra

I have been interviewed by Jessica Dee, a cross dressing submissive in Bristol who I speak to on Twitter – and who has her own blog. You can read the Q&A here.

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Whipping three beautiful girls in an English dungeon

Whipping three beautiful girls in an English dungeon

I donned the shinies and spiky heels and was the hostess of the day. I sat on the Queen’s throne and was shown around every part of the new play space and kinky shop. It was great fun. I also enjoyed catching up with Dom Strap On and her crew. Then came my moment in the spotlight – the photo shoot and whipping session.

There were three girls dolled up and ready to submit to whatever punishment I saw fit to bestow. I chose a heavy weight flogger, beautifully balanced and versatile for light teasing strokes up to a really vicious sting. Tracy took the pain best – it’s like she had some prior experience as a sub ;)

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