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The Most Beautiful Nightmare You'll Never Have…
Lifestyle Domme & Mistress

Imprisoned in freedom

slave-diaries

10 May 2015

Mistress

Today marks 7 days, a full week, since you last returned the keys to me. It is my 7th day of freedom. Well we might refer to it as freedom but that merely describes the fact that my cock is not locked in its plastic cage.

Physically the sores are healing. Healing was slow initially, but suddenly seems to be accelerating. There are physical issues but they are mere practical matters to be left for another email.

You know that I long to be re-caged. How well you know me.  You know the me that I have become, better than I know myself. That is no surprise because you moulded and built the new me. You dismantled the old me and built the new me from nothing.

There is no real freedom. The mere fact that I am out of my cage makes few differences. Physically I avoid touching my cock. I still sit to do what I could now easily do standing up. I don’t stand because that would mean holding that which is definitely yours. Not that you would ever choose to touch or hold it yourself.

Physically my genitalia and the anatomy of my sex is, and acts, the same as any male. I arouse as they do. This culminates in an intense tumultuous, uncontainable urge to cum. The natural desire to experience the ultimate pleasure of orgasm. It is how I view that orgasm that divides the slave from other males, amongst them, real men who perceive orgasm to be the ultimate high followed by release and a feeling of relaxed afterglow.

Even to the slave the orgasm represents the ultimate pleasure. This in itself confuses the slave. Pleasure? Is it right that he should have pleasure? In fact this is the ultimate denial of pleasure that marks us out as slaves. It is from this critical self denial of the ultimate pleasure that the denial of other pleasures generates.

The spunk that explodes from the cock of a real man when he orgasms, is the fuel that drives the submission of the slave. As slaves, we embrace the growing desire and urge to discharge the corked up fluid as it multiplies inside us. Instead of seeking release and the ultimate pleasure we choose to harness that intense urge and strengthen our sense of submission. The spunk serves as the submission fuel for the slave.

The submissive and slave knows that there is no afterglow or relaxation after orgasm for us. We experience a period of flatness and confusion. Only a short period but something we do all we can to avoid and in so doing, retain a growing more intense sense of arousal through which we are controlled and enslaved.

Resisting that urge and denying ourselves release does not come easy.  There are constant temptations. It is for that reason I feel better locked. I can relax, I no longer can give in to that urge. I no longer have to fight it, the choice is taken from me. The temptations which might otherwise lead me to arouse, wank and “go too far” and cum, no longer concern me.

There is a price I pay. A price you impose. I am forced to face emotions that arouse and would represents temptations far beyond the point I could resist were I not locked. You know the slave so well. You tease, toy and torment beyond normal tolerance. You, however, are a Goddess and as such my torment, however unbearable is justified.  I exist for your pleasure, benefit and amusement.

slave penny

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